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What to do if Your Child is on Drugs

What You Should Do Right Now!     This site is a member of WebRing. To browse visit Here.

RESOURCES TO HELP NOW   Books of Interest Articles of Interest Help on the Web Tips For Parents Of Addicts By Glen D. Williams If you have addict children, the good news is, the situation isn't hopeless. The bad news is, you're no longer in control and you're probably facing the hardest problem you've ever faced. This article will give you some tips on how to steer them in the right direction without you getting run over. While recovery is always the addicts choice, as parents, you can help lead them to that choice. Understanding Addiction: It doesn't matter what substance your child is addicted to, addiction is the same. It usually begins in the teen years, because that's when we're vulnerable to a negative self-image, and when our peers would like to give us one. So, we try a little personality booster in the form of drugs or alcohol. That takes our minds off self-image temporarily, but the fact we "need" something to feel normal only makes us feel worse, and need more the next time around. Unless they hit bottom and become willing to do what it takes to recover, this cycle drives teens deeper and deeper into addiction. Guilt And Codependency: As the parent, you probably didn't know until they were hooked. Then they blamed you for "not caring." You blame yourself for not knowing. Both your kids and you suspect that something you did or didn't do is the reason they're addicted. Let's start with you...GET OFF IT! You're doing the best you can and guilt is only going to make you less than your best. Let's move on to your addicted child. If an addict has his way, everyone around him will feel responsible for his addiction and try to support the addiction out of guilt. Addicts lie and manipulate their loved ones so they can continue and increase their addiction. If parents fall for this, it's the beginning of codependency, where you become addicted to helping your addict child. For your sake, the family's sake, and especially for the sake of the addict, you can't let this happen. If it does, the whole family will go down the drain as the addict uses each one of you until there is nothing left. So, how do you stop it? Parents With Teenage Addicts: If the addict is still a minor teenager in your house, you have more control over them. Until they just refuse to comply, you may be able to restrict friendships, unsupervised time and time away from home. Even then, a lot can happen when you're not looking. Any child addicted to drugs should not be allowed to have a cell phone, pager, car, allowance, or lunch money. All of these are vehicles to more drugs. You should regularly search their rooms, clothes, other property, public areas in and around the house for drugs, alcohol, drug equipment. If you allow them a computer, you should invest in software that allows you to go where they go and see everything they write or post in chatrooms and blogs. You should search them when they enter the house and question them closely when they leave the house. Of course, this will result in you being the worst person on the face of the planet...so be it. Always try the loving, supportive approach, first, offering to get them counseling or other help, but be ready for it to become tough love quickly after that. Confront them about everything. If they're addicted, it won't take long before you're out of options. If you have a year or two until they turn 18 and they refuse to quit, get the authorities involved. This isn't easy, but has a better chance for success than screaming or beatings. Contact the school counselor or Principle (if they haven't already contacted you) and ask for advice. Do the same with your police department's social services agency. Make sure the child knows why you're doing this. Parents With Older Addicts: If you have an addict who is over 18 living with you, things are a bit different. All of the inspection and investigation stuff still applies. Obviously, restricting friends is out. Getting the police involved would be a very last resort, because now it's a matter of permanent criminal record. Still, if your older child continues in an addiction while living under your roof, the whole family is at risk. You don't have the same control over the older child, but you have one big, all-powerful option you didn't have before...you can kick them out of the house. Does this sound unloving and unsupportive? Think about it from another perspective. If you didn't evict a drug-addicted adult child and drugs were found in the home, you could be arrested, you could lose your job, your other children, your home...all because you wanted to seem supportive. Probably the biggest reason to kick the child out is...it's best for the child. While you're providing food and shelter to addicts, they can use money for their addiction that would normally go for food, shelter and clothing. Letting them continue to live there is as if you're supplying the drugs. The loving thing to do is to put them out and let them fall on their faces in the gutter, if that's what it takes for them to hit bottom and begin recovery. The preceding tips may seem hard or cruel, but the addiction is what's cruel. By being firm and practicing tough love, you have the best chance of saving the life of your child. A wise man once said, "Love is doing what will help a friend, even if it means you lose the friendship." I know you love your child enough to do what will help, even if it hurts you to do so. That's what being a parent is all about. Glen Williams is Webmaster at E-Health-Fitness Nutrition Exercise And Illness Help and Founder of E-Home Fellowship (EHF), Co. He has counseled and helped people on life and health issues since 1987. You can comment on his articles at his Health And Fitness Forums.   HTML Comment Box is loading comments...

What You Should Do Right Now!

• Don't be in denial.  Many parents miss the signs of alcohol or drug use because they simply cannot bring themselves to believe that there child has the problem. Not every teen who uses drugs and alcohol will become addicted.  Addiction is thought to be an obsessive and compulsive behavior that affects about seven to ten percent of teen substance users. The younger a young person begins to drink or abuse drugs the greater their chances for full blown addiction.  It is important for parents to truly understand the workings of alcohol or drug addiction.  Many resources are available to you under our resource listings to the right. 

• It is very important to monitor your teens friends, his activities and his whereabouts.  If your child is drinking or abusing drugs it is very likely that he is hanging out with a crowd who does the same.

• As the abuse begins to grow it is inevitable that your child will begin to lie.  She will lie about who she is with; where she is during the time away from how; and what she is doing. Also, you may see a drop in school grades, older friendships, and emotional state.  Your child may become moody and angry.  Or she may become secretive.  You are often likely to find money missing from your purse or wallet or places where you save money around the house.

• Confronting or accusing your child will likely result in denials.  Very few abusive individuals will readily admit they have a problem.  You may find during the later stages of their addiction that they have stopped going to school (although they may leave each day for school); may have trouble with the law or may be involved with automobile accidents.

• Remember that addiction is a disease.  Speaking to your child and simply insisting they stop is like telling someone with lung cancer to stop coughing.  The disease needs to be treated -- not the symptoms.

• Your first goal is to seek professional assistance for you and your family.  Trained drug and alcohol counselors exist and they can assess where your child is on the addiction scale and provide guidance to and your child that may help.  Unfortunately, it is often necessary to arrange for an intervention before your child will realize that there is a problem and permit others to help them.

• An intervention is a systematic confrontation with your teen that helps to break down the wall of denial and to have your teen take responsibility and admit their addictive behavior. At that point it is likely that your child will need to be part of a therapy program or an in-patient treatment program.  An intervention is often done with several people helping.  Supportive friends and family members who are not part of the alcohol or drug user group are often includes.  Also included can be school guidance counselor, clergy person, another teen who overcame the addictive behaviors, a coach or teacher.

• The goal of the intervention is to have the teen admit his problem and agree to treatment.  Do not listen to or accept promises that they will stop.  They cannot because they are sick.  Their illness must be treated appropriately and despite their good intentions they cannot help themselves most times.  Do not feel guilty if they cry, beg, promise or exhibit other behavior that plays on your guilt as a parent.  You need to get them the help they need as difficult as that may be.

• When dealing with your teen's addiction here are some definite do's and don'ts.

  • Don't criticize, name call or accuse your child of being "bad."

  • Follow a professional's advice and don't act like you think a parent should act.  These are very specific circumstances that require very specific actions.

  • Don't expect your child to act "normally."  They may express anger, curse at you, not show love or gratitude for all you've done for them.  Don't be manipulated by any behavior of an addicted teen.  Don't enable their behavior by falling into their traps or by allowing them to behave in a way that will permit further abuse.

  • Tough love is a must.  Do not provide any financial support directly to your child if you suspect it may be used for alcohol or drugs. 

  • Take care of yourself so that you can handle the emotional and physical stress of dealing with an addicted teen.  Your heart will ache and you need to be prepared. Practice detachment because you need to react with some emotional distance to not fall into manipulative traps.  Remember, your child is still there but under the mask of an addict's illness.

  • Do not hesitate to ask for help.  There are many, many resources available.  Don't be embarrassed or you may lose your child.

• Even if it means turning your own child over to the legal system, you must take steps to get your child's addiction cured. There are many treatment programs that will help your child to deal with their addictive behaviors.

• Remember that addiction is an illness and is not easily cured. If your child goes into a treatment program you must follow-up with them when they are released back to you.  They must follow their continuing treatment plan which will often include therapy, attendance at Alcohol Anonymous or another twelve-step meeting.

• If there are other siblings in the family who are old enough to understand what is happening think about their well being.  Therapy or a program such as Al-Anon may be helpful.

• Remember that trust is very difficult to regain once it is lost.  Your teen will need to regain your trust slowly over time. Do not feel that that you cannot question your teen and expect to know where he is at all times.  It must be clear that if you catch your teen in a lie it will only set back your trust and his privileges.

• Remember that you are not alone.  There are thousands of others going through exactly what you and your family are going through right now.  Reach out and find support in your community.  Review the resources and use them to get your child well again.

©2009by Bruce Baron - all right reserved.  No part of this website may be used without permission.

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