What to do first

Divorce affects about one in two families today and more than one million children annually.  Learning how to approach the divorce process with the right tools and attitudes can mean the world of difference to you and your family.

• A divorce is a court order that ends a marriage and forever changes the legal relationship between a man and woman. In some cases, Unless your marriage was of very short duration there will most often be conflicts about how to distribute property acquired during the marriage, and if there are minor children to support, visitation and custody rights are handled through the courts.

• Today, you can obtain a divorce more easily and without accusing the other spouse of terrible wrongdoing.  Most states have "no-fault" divorce laws. These laws no longer require proof of marital misconduct by one spouse or the other. If a court finds that a couple's marriage is broken and cannot be fixed, or that the couple is incompatible, a divorce may be granted by showing that the couple have lived apart for a specified period of time.

• However, in about two-thirds of the states a petition for divorce may still to be based on grounds of misconduct. In these states, courts can consider a spouse's misconduct when deciding issues such as child custody, visitation and alimony payments.

• If you have firmly decided to begin the divorce proceeding, you must file a petition in court requesting that a divorce be granted. Not surprisingly, the spouse who files the petition is referred to as "the petitioner." The petition states the grounds on which the divorce is sought. It may ask the court to award a specified amount of alimony (also called spousal support, or maintenance). If there are children, the petition may include a proposed custody and visitation arrangement. It must also state why this particular court has jurisdiction over the divorce.

• A court's jurisdiction is its legal authority to hear a particular case. In divorce proceedings, jurisdiction is primarily based on the state and county in which one or both of the spouses reside. Most states require that you be a resident of the state for a specified period of time before filing the petition.

• The court will then issue a summons and a copy of the petition to the other spouse (called "the respondent"), which serves as notice that the divorce petition has been filed and gives the respondent a chance to answer the petition. Failing to file an answer will allow the divorce to proceed uncontested.

• If both spouses agree about all the issues surrounding their divorce, they can file a copy of their separation agreement at this point to expedite the divorce process. By filing the answer and the separation agreement, the respondent agrees to accept the court's jurisdiction, and asks the court to approve the settlement and grant the divorce. If the court finds that the settlement is acceptable, it will grant a divorce.

If areas of disagreement still exist, the next step after the respondent's answer is a process called discovery. In this step, each side in the divorce assembles evidence regarding the issue or issues in debate. This can be a relatively informal process, or one which takes the form of interrogatories, depositions, and subpoenas, as each side tries to make the best case for its position. After discovery, settlement negotiations will be held in an attempt to arrive at an agreement acceptable to both husband and wife.

If an agreement is reached, a court hearing is held. The settlement is reviewed, and if the court finds it to be fair, the divorce will be granted. If there's no agreement, the court will conduct a trial on the disputed issues and decide the outcome under the guidelines of state law. Ultimately, the divorce will be granted. The court will issue a final decree, or judgment of divorce, and in some states a divorce certificate will be filed with a state agency, such as the Office of Vital Records. At this point, the marriage is officially ended.

 
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