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What to do if you are getting a divorce

 

 

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What to do right now!

What to do Next!

What You Can Learn from Divorce

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Steps to Prevent a Divorce - The Earlier You Act, Better Are Your Chances! By Sharon Taibbi

All marriages go through rough patches but it need not always end up in a divorce. If you feel that your marriage is facing some critical problems and you want to prevent a divorce, it is advisable to act as soon as you realize that some problems exist, before things go really out of hand.

Here are some steps to take which can halt a split in the marriage and prevent a divorce:

• Ensure that the desire to prevent a divorce is mutual. It is pointless to save a marriage which has no love left in it.

• To prevent a divorce, you need to know for sure the problems affecting the relationship. In stead of relying on memory or going by specific incidents which could be fallouts of deeper resentments, jot down the issues which are troubling the marriage.

• If possible, try to get your spouse also write down the problems bothering him or her.

• Once you have a list in front of you, it is easier to communicate regarding the solutions. If you find that there are issues related to your behaviors and attitudes, you need to own up your shortcomings. You can never prevent a divorce if you indulge in mud slinging, blaming each other or hurting each other's feelings in any way.

• In case there has been a case of infidelity, the person has to apologize and the other has to unconditionally pardon the errant spouse if you want to prevent a divorce.

• Open, fearless and uninhibited communication can sort out various conflicts in a marriage. However, if you hold up resentments deep within, both of you would be beating around the bush without arriving at any concrete solution.

• Whatever decisions both of you arrive at, to prevent a divorce, you need to be sincere in keeping your promises, for the sake of love you feel for your partner.

• You can never prevent a divorce, if you put up 'props' to save the marriage. By 'props' we mean children, finances, health, etc. These can only temporarily patch up the relationship, but can never fully fill up the need gaps.

• When a marriage goes sour reaching the point of a divorce, obviously, things have not been sorted out for a long time. Therefore to prevent a divorce, you have to give each other time to make any correction of behavior etc. Do not expect your spouse to turn into a superior and faultless person overnight.

You can prevent a divorce, if you rely on the love and respect you have for each other. Only true love can save a marriage as nothing else can.

Whether you are still together and having problems or you are already separated and want to save your marriage... the next step is absolutely crucial! Don't make the mistake of saying or doing something that will kill your chances of getting back together with your spouse. Find out what you need to do to save your marriage and reconnect with your spouse.

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What to do Right Now!

  • DO NOT RESIST ARREST!

  • You may ask why you have been stopped and/or arrested.
  • The police have the right to stop you if they have a reasonable suspicion that you may be possessing:
  • controlled substances (drugs)
  • weapons or firearms
  • carrying a knife or other sharp item that can be used as a weapon
  • are in the possession of stolen goods

  • Even if you are innocent do not struggle against the police officer.  You will be arrested and the more you fight the more likely the chances of being hurt in the process.  Let the officer do their job without physical resistance or abusive language.

  • Do not volunteer any information at all except for your name, address, telephone number, employer, and a family member.  If you are brought before a judge for a bail hearing this information will be necessary to that process. 

  • Try very hard to maintain your composure.  The police have arrested you for a reason whether that reason is right or wrong.  By being belligerent, threatening to file complaints with the Mayor's Office, or generally being obnoxious you are inviting the officer's antagonistic response.

  • One of your basic human rights in he right to remain silent and to not say anything that might be incriminating.  You may ask for your attorney.  Other than that DO NOT speak with the police, detectives, the District Attorney, or anyone else.  Do not make any statements on video or audio tape.  Do not make any confessions.  Simply ask for your attorney.

  • You have the right to make one phone call to your attorney or family member or to someone else who may provide assistance.  Do not say anything over the telephone that may be incriminating because the phone will likely be tapped.

  • When you are arrested it can be a very humiliating experience.  Be prepared to be fingerprinted, photographed, and searched.

What to do next

  • If you are arrested for a misdemeanor (a crime for which the penalty is one year or less in jail) you may receive a summons to appear in court on a future date and then be released.
  •  If you do not show up for your court appearance a bench warrant fmay be issued for your arrest and you can be penalized for not appearing in court.
  • If you are arrested for a felony (a more serious crime) or if or there is reason to believe that you will not appear in court, you will be taken to the police station after which time you can either be released with a promise to appear at a later date or you may be required to post bail.
  • Your bail bond (a promise to pay a specific amount of money if you do not appear in court on your appointed day) may be a personal surety or you may need the assistance of a bail bondsperson.
  • You will have to pay a fee for the bond person to post your bail and you may have to provide some security of value in the form of a house, a car or other property.
  • Bail is the court's guarantee that you will show up for your hearing. 

What can you learn from this experience?

 

Being arrested is a very humbling experience even if you are ultimately released. Just the process of being arrested will convince the average person not to commit any crimes in the future.  If you made a mistake, now is the time to own up to it and make a contract with yourself to not make the same mistake in the future. The old clichι that "crime does not pay" is true.  Eventually, almost all criminals are brought to justice and they stand to lose everything.  If you feel compelled to engage in criminal behavior of any type you must seek psychological help immediately to explore your reasons for being attracted to this type of behavior.

 

 

 

 

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