The Emotional Rollercoaster of a Divorce
By James Walsh

The emotional rollercoaster that is the divorce process can throw the initiator back and forth, caught in a web where they their emotions cause them to make rash decisions and then change their mind. At one time, they may think that their partner does not deserve them and hence they would be better off after the divorce. And, at other times, they might try in vain to negotiate and convince their partner against the decision to divorce. These conflicting emotions drive them crazy and they might doubt the fact that they can ever get over the pain of separation. Let us see the roller coaster ride these emotions take and how the couple finally realise that with time, ‘This Too Shall Pass!’

Pre-Divorce Emotions

Although divorce has become a common affair in the country, it is not a decision that is made overnight. Divorce might be a result of a variety of reasons such as lack of commitment, loss of interest in the spouse or a difference of opinion that creates a feeling of unhappiness. The person might try to sort out the problems initially. However, when all means fail and when it becomes impossible to live with the spouse anymore, they finally decide to divorce. They would even experience a feeling of guilt.

When the person announces his decision to divorce, it might initially shock the spouse, if she had not anticipated it. It is followed by anger towards the spouse, lowered self-esteem and embarrassment caused by rejection. At this stage, they would seek the assistance of friends or family for emotional support.

Emotions during Divorce

With time, the couple try to develop acceptance of the idea. However, just when things might be getting better, the couple would be required to sit together and discuss on various issues such as financial arrangements, child custody, alimony, etc. It could cause resentment with each party considering the other one to be unfair. It also leads to frustration, misunderstanding and serious squabbles. You could not have everything that you like and to see your spouse take away some of your prized possessions might disturb you deeply.

Apart from this, attending to the legal proceedings could emotionally drain the couple. There might also be allegations made against you by your spouse that could be devastating. Initially hurt by these accusations, the spouse might turn vindictive eventually.

Recovery Phase: Post-Divorce

Some people might hold a little hope in the depth of their hearts about getting back with their partner. With divorce, all these hopes would be crushed and, for the first time, they would be exposed to the bare truths of life. It would send a deep sense of loneliness and they might try to hold on to nostalgic memories of happy times that they spent with their partner. It could be difficult especially for the non-custodial parent.

However, life has to move on. Thanks to the short-lived human memory. You will carry on with your new life filled with new challenges that would make your life busy and interesting again. And your divorce would slowly fade into the distant past.

Tips to Tackle the Emotional Monster

Here are a few tips to help you ease the pain caused by divorce so that you can move ahead with your life:

1. Do not try to hold back feelings of hate or revenge towards your spouse. Even if you were victimised, these feelings would not affect your ex in any way but would hinder you from moving ahead with your life and eventually disturb your peace.

2. Do not hold on to the happy memories with your ex and grieve over it. Probably, your partner was not worth your love. So, concentrate on your future rather than the past to lead a happy life.

3. Take advantage of the situation and try to concentrate on your hobbies that you gave up after your marriage. It could make your life interesting and help your get over the sorrow.

4. If you are not able to overcome the pain, try to get professional assistance.

If you are upset with your divorce and going through all these mixed feelings of dejection and happy times with your spouse, do not worry. It is very much normal and there are so many others who experience the same feelings as you do. Just have confidence in yourself and with a little effort you would be able to build a better life for yourself devoid of all the mistakes that you had committed the first time around.

James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. For more information about using online services to get a Divorce see
http://www.quickie-divorce.com

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