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To be human is to experience crisis.
Some will be caused by societal tragedies such as the tragic shooting at
Virginia Tech. Some will be caused by natural disaster such as
earthquake, hurricane or some other large magnitude act of nature beyond
our control. And some will be caused by more personal experiences
such as illness, death, or another difficult experience that comes to
know on our door. Everyone will react differently to the same
crisis. The emotional experience is as individual as the other
characteristics of the person. Even more confusing to ourselves
and to those around us is the changing nature of crisis response.
Psychologically we are equipped to deal with various aspects of a crisis
at different times and our reactions can run the gamut over time.
Some of the appropriate reactions to a crisis are the following:
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Fear -- It is very common
to be afraid when things are happening to us that are completely
outside of our normal experience. Our safety has been
shattered and our future is unsure. This insecurity can rock
our foundation and cause fear.
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Stress -- We all know that
there is good stress and bad stress. Good stress may come from
a challenging project with a tight deadline at work or the case of
the jitters that may accompany us down the aisle on our wedding day.
But bad stress comes from traumatic events that make us feel unsafe.
Bad stress can contribute to many emotional and physical problems.
There are some who would say that stress creates all disharmony
within our bodies and creates all illness as well. Whether we
choose to believe that stress is that powerful for those of us who
have experience it we can say it can be very unpleasant.
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Guilt, Shock, and Disbelief
-- We may be absolutely floored by some particularly bad news.
It may take some time to process the actual meaning of some crisis
situations and their long term affects. Imaging finding out
that your spouse has been having an affair. In most cases we
will be shocked. We may not want to accept the facts and
choose to disbelieve for some period of time. Guilt comes into
play when we blame ourselves as the cause of the crisis event.
We also feel guilty that we are not experiencing the crisis
personally but supporting someone who is close to us through their
crisis. We are guilty that a friend's spouse has cancer but
our spouse if fine. We are guilty that our neighbor's child is
addicted to crack but our child is fine.
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Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
-- This is a very common term in today's world of crisis
management. Many situations that we experience today bring
back painful memories from past events in our lives. Or, our
emotional and physical state was solid while we were dealing with a
crisis but once that situation improved our emotional and physical
state collapsed. It often takes some time to connect with the
actual damage that a crisis situation can do to use.
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Anger -- Crisis bring out anger in
people because we need to express our range and upset over what is
happening. Anger comes in many shapes and form. As an emotion,
anger is a good thing, when expressed appropriately. However,
when we are in the midst of a crisis our anger often comes out in
self-destructive ways. We may take our anger out on loved ones
because they are easy targets. We may take our anger out on
our children because they are weaker than we are.
As in the grieving process, the crisis
response process has definite phases. Not everyone goes through
each phase and not everyone goes though the phases in order. Buy
be aware than the phases are common and you or your loved ones may
experience them.
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Shock -- At first we are in
shock and disbelief that something of a crisis nature can be
happening to us. This shock can allow us to be in a state of
denial for quite some time until we are ready to deal with the
crisis.
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Denial - How many times
have you said, "This can't be happening to me." Or, when the
doctor has given you bad news about a loved one haven't you heard
someone say, "This cannot be correct. Let's get another
opinion."
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Overwhelming thoughts or
emotions -- As we get over the shock and denial of the situation
we are ready to flood our mind with overwhelming thoughts. We
may have day dreams, fantasies, depression, shame, or anxiety.
We often cannot control the repetitive nature of these thoughts.
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Acceptance -- After time we
often become more accepting of what is happening and we are ready to
work through the problems and all of their ramification and impacts
on our lives.
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Conclusion -- One way or
another each crisis does have a conclusion. After we deal with
the other stages we are left with a desire to see things to their
conclusion. Even if we are dying we may eventually accept this
and move towards a peaceful exit from this world.
If we happen to be in the support role
there are some very definite actions we can take to help our loved one
move through a crisis. Here are some tips to be excellent
supporters.
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Communication is most important
-- Here is when all of your listening skills will be called into
play. Your loved one needs to know that you will be there to
listen to them and to react appropriately. This is not the
time for judgments and criticism. This is the time for listening,
comforting and supportive dialogue.
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You are not alone -- It is
important for the person going through the crisis to understand that
they are not the first person to go through this situation.
It's helpful to tell your loved one to take things slowly; one day
at a time. It is also important to see if any support groups
exist for the crisis being experienced.
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Share Feelings -- Let your
friend talk and express their emotions. Do not be afraid of
emotions and back away. Your friend will sense your discomfort
and may stop talking to you.
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Take steps -- Find some
definitive steps that can be taken to relieve some of the stress
related crisis. Often by taking positive action some of the
panic or pain can be relieved, even if only for awhile.
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Pray -- if you and your
loved one are religious the power of prayer is mighty. Use
your faith to get though.
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